You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was confusing and full of hummus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
