Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
