I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
