I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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