Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
