ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
