I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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