we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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