You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would ride that face into the sunset
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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