Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Duck Duck Cougar?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
