I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
