he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
