It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
