im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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