There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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