no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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