bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
