I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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