Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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