That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
