Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
