come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
