i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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