Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
