the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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