She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
