I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
only if we run a train.
done.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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