Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
