im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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