Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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