AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
