I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
