The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
