arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
