My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
