We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
