Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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