whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
