I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
