everyone is single if you try hard enough
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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