It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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