one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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