my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
