the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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