we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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