nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
