it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We left the knife in your bed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
