did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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