Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
