i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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