I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
