You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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