in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So squirting runs in the family.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't turn off my feet"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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