apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
