my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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