i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
