i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
