I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
