It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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