Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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