Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
