I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
