1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
