we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
