tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
